Ok, so this post deals with subject matter that is, I’m sure, a part of most women’s lives (Guy’s, I’m sure you deal with some of this stuff too, so keep reading!). It’s that part of our lives when we look at ourselves in the mirror and think;
- I wish my bum was smaller!
- I wish my boobs were perkier!
- I wish I was prettier!
- Why did my sister get the good genes?
- I wish I had enough money to get a nose job!
- I wish I had my 16 year old body again!
- Why did I let myself go?
- Why can’t I love myself the way I am?
- I can’t look at myself! I’m disgusting!
- Don’t look at me! I’m disgusting!
The list is endless to the amount of insecurities we harbour within ourselves! I’d like to share some of my insecurities with you and my thoughts on the topic of self-esteem and attempting to love oneself.
Over the last 6-7 weeks, I’ve participated in quite a gruelling training schedule! It requires me to train 6 times a week, which is a lot more than I have been able to manage this year, due to an injury. The training isn’t just going for a brisk run, or a sweaty functional training hour spent in the gym. It’s a mixture of hardcore Power Lifting, vomit inducing HIIT sessions, aggressive boxing and more vomit inducing cross-training! To say the very least, I’m putting my body through hell and all so that I can play the part of a Personal Trainer and look as fabulous as I’ve always wanted to look! Why I’m telling you this is because I’m seeing changes in the bodies of my team-mates and only really feeling the changes in my own body. I’ve had people approach me and say “You’re looking more athletic these days” or “Oh! You’ve lost weight!” and I’m thinking to myself, “But have I?”. The gist is, I don’t think I’ve ever been happy with my body and will I ever be?
To be completely honest, I suffered from low self-esteem as a teenager and growing up in a dance studio, in front of a mirror and being labelled as one of the “heavier girls” from age 13 did VERY little to boost it! I’ve throughout my life wished that;
- My bum was smaller
- My arms thinner and more toned
- My boobs bigger and a different shape
- My thighs less muscular and not touching in the middle (I still walk strangely so that my thighs don’t touch!)
- My calves were smaller so that I could find boots to fit them
- My legs longer
- My lips bigger
- My brain smarter
- My opinions more interesting
- My idea’s more creative
- My dancing more precise
- My life more interesting
Basically, I’ve always wanted to be this PERFECT PERSON!
The thing is though, am I perfect the way I am? And if I am perfect the way I am, why on earth can’t I see it?
So dear readers, this has lead me to start pondering how I can begin to change these thought patterns that are in actual fact just BAD HABITS and habits that have stemmed from silly teenage belief systems and behaviours. All the nasty, untrue things that were said to me or I chose to believe wormed their way into my brain and I think it’s time I start changing things up a bit!
The fact of the matter is;
- I’m NOT 13 anymore
- I do not have a teenage body anymore
- I do not have long legs
- My boobs are the way they are because that’s just the way they are!
- I have a voluptuous bottom!
- I eat well and exercise regularly
- I’m actually not as stupid as I think I am
- I have some strong and interesting opinions
- I’m very creative
- I am good at what I do
- My life is beautiful
- I LOVE MYSELF!
Oh my hat! If I could go back to that poor little girl, Leilah, who was so shy and so insecure and tell her all these things (except number 1 and 2 obviously!), I reckon life would’ve been a little bit easier and I would’ve been a little bit happier! (Understatement?)
For those of you who know what I’m talking about, and struggle daily to look in the mirror and accept yourself, try and make a list of all the positive things about yourself and your life. Try and undo the thought patterns and the belief systems! I’m realising daily that we only have one chance at this whole life palava (yes, I use the word “palava”. I think it’s in fact “palaVER” but I prefer my version). There is absolutely no point in hating ourselves so much because how will we ever allow anyone else to love us if we don’t love ourselves? We are who we are and there are some things we can change if we make the decision to commit to the change, and there are some things we can’t change. Those things that we can’t change, we need to start seeing them as the things that make us perfect!
So, that’s my two cents. I think I’m going to print the list above and read it every day! If it works for you, let me know!
Love to you all and thanks for reading! #LiveLifeWell